


A Good Man

by CassidyStark



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Translock, ftm Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 12:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3120875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidyStark/pseuds/CassidyStark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Sherlock is a teenage FTM and looking for love in all the wrong places</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Good Man

Sherlock has been seeing Jim Moriarty for three months now. Seeing was a loose term. He couldn't exactly call what they had a relationship. They'd only been on one actual date and then after that they saw each other infrequently. Whenever Jim texted him, then he would catch the next available cab and go to his apartment. At first it was kind of exciting, but more and more Sherlock was beginning to have doubts.

He didn't want to admit those doubts aloud as he sat with his best friend John in his own apartment. They were together on his couch, their tea forgotten and cooling in mismatched mugs on the coffee table.

"He treats me like a guy," Sherlock said. "He calls me Mister and it makes me smile. John, no one's been interested in me that way before. There's a week left until my eighteenth birthday and he's the only one who's wanted me."

"First of all, Sherlock, you are a guy," John replied. "You know you are and so do I. If anyone ever tries to tell you different, they're idiots and not worth your time"

"I know..."

It wasn't always that easy though. John could never truly understand what it was like, could he? When who you knew in your brain and your heart that you are doesn't match your body...

It was something Sherlock had known since he was a small child but he never had a name for it until middle school when he discovered the internet. He realized that it was real condition and that he wasn't the only one in the world who felt that way. He felt relieved but also anxious. He went to John and cried on his shoulder. It hadn't been the only time he cried to John.

John supported him through everything, especially on the night when he had been sobbing and he confessed "I hate myself, John. I hate my body. I want to die." John stayed with him all night and helped him the next day to pick out his first binder online.

"You're a good man, Sherlock," John continued. "I'm so proud of you. Your life hasn't been easy, but you always stay true to who you are. That takes a lot of strength."

John was one of the only people who saw him completely as man. He was one of the only people who accepted him exactly as he was. Even his own parents often slipped up with his pronouns. And his brother was always teasing him about everything he ever did or said it seemed. But John never teased him. John only supported him. He had come out to John first out of everyone, as a transgender man and as also as a gay man. John didn't hesitate for a second to accept him. It was something that Sherlock appreciated more than John could know.

"Thank you..."

John had been happy for him when he'd run to him and announced that he'd been asked on a date. Jim was a little older than him, a freshman in college. They'd met at a bookstore of all places, Sherlock buying books for pleasure and Jim picking up a text book for a school report. He'd never been on a date and could barely believe that it was actually happening. He'd been honest with Jim, let him know that he was transgender. And Jim hadn't seemed to mind.

John had helped him get ready for the date and assured him that everything would go great. Sherlock had still been incredibly nervous, which didn't go unnoticed by Jim. "I didn't know that you'd be this nervous," he'd said. And Sherlock was embarrassed at his own behavior. Wasn't everyone nervous on their first date though? Couldn't Jim understand that? Or had he just been so cool and good looking that he never had to worry about something like a date?

John asked him how it went and Sherlock had remained optimistic. Something had changed though. Or maybe the true Jim was revealing himself. Because Jim never called him cute again after their first date. It almost seemed one sided. Sherlock was always sure to compliment Jim but the compliments were not returned. They never went on a date again.

Their text messages quickly became sexual. It was only a couple days after their date when they began to sext. All the while, Jim didn't say that he was attractive. But he must think that he was, right? Or why else would he be asking for nudes and saying that he wanted to have sex with him?

In the beginning it seemed like a good idea to have sex with Jim. But eventually the doubts began to creep into his mind. He wondered why Jim never called him attractive. He wondered why Jim never texted him except when he wanted sex. Sometimes Jim would ask how his day was going or something but he didn't seem to actually care about the answer and it would always turn sexual after that. He wondered why they never went on date anymore. He wondered if Jim was seeing other people. He especially wondered why Jim never said he cared about him or liked him or wanted to be his boyfriend.

"You deserve better than Jim," John insisted. "You can find someone better. Someone else would be happy to have you. You're an amazing person. I know that because I wouldn't be your best friend if you weren't."

"What do you mean?" Sherlock raised an eyebrow. "You don't think that he's good enough for me?"

"No, I don't," John admitted, shaking his head. "I know you're having doubts. I can see it all over your face. Have you ever asked him if he's seeing other people or even how he feels about you?"

Sherlock bit his lip. "No... I haven't. Well, I did try once."

"What happened?"

"Remember when I had the flu a while ago? I told him that I couldn't see him because I was sick." Of course Jim had tried to convince him to anyway but Sherlock had refused. He was too sick to even think about sex. "I told him that he could probably find someone else who wasn't sick and willing to have sex with him. He said that he doesn't just sleep with anyone."

"What does that even mean? Did you ask him to clarify?"

"No..."

"That could have meant anything. It might not have even been true. It could have just been another line to get you in his bed."

It kind of hurt hearing John say those things but it wasn't untrue. Sherlock had thought of this all himself already.

"You think that I should end things with him?" Sherlock asked, searching John's face for the answers.

"Do you feel good when you're with him? Are you happy? Do you feel good about your relationship...?"

Could you even call it a relationship? Sherlock didn't think so.

"I know you," John said. "I know you're not happy."

Sherlock finally forced himself to say it. "I'm not happy. I feel...gross. I feel used. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't like me...he doesn't care about me...he never will. But...I'm...I'm afraid John. What if no one else ever wants me? Don't say they will because you can't promise me that!"

Sherlock felt like he was unraveling. He was going to totally fall apart at any second. He'd been used by Jim and he let himself be used because he knew that no one would ever truly want him. He'd been foolish to ever think that any guy would.

John didn't argue with him. He didn't say anything. He just grabbed him and kissed him. Sherlock was too shocked to react. He stared at John with wide eyes. "Why did you do that?" he demanded. Did John think that was funny?

"Can't you see it?" he asked. "You're so smart, I thought you would have noticed it already."

"Noticed what?" Sherlock's sorrow and self-pity were being overshadowed by his anger now.

"That I'm in love with you."

Sherlock feared that he might be going into shock. "What?"

"I'm in love with you. I have been for a while. But you were so happy to be going out with Jim that I didn't say anything. I just wanted you to be happy."

"You idiot..." Sherlock took a shaky breath. He refused to cry. It would make him look even more foolish.

John laughed and it was one of the most amazing sounds in the whole world. He leaned in to kiss him again and this time Sherlock returned the kiss.

They ended up in bed. And after as they together, Sherlock didn't feel used or dirty or sad. He was happy, happier than he could ever remember being.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" John asked.

And it was Sherlock's turn to laugh. "Of course."


End file.
